We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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