so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
