If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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