I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
