Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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