So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
