They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize