weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
