i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
