she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
