I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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