Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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