I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize