tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
