I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my poor anus
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
