He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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