Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
organizing the empties. That sober.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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