So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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