So drunk, too bad you don't want this
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
