Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
