Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
