he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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