hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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