Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
