sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
