She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
