Ambien. No doubt about it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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