Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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