zippers are such a cool invention
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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