i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
