is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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