Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
