I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
