So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
