I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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