some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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