Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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