why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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