there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
