He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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