this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
