Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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