we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
