...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
