I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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