How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
