Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
