think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
