She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
