Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
