tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
