Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
pop tarts are not kleenex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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