I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
