I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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