Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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