Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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