what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
