Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
