So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
