i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
