I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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