Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
