I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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