Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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